Although Breaking Dawn Part Two has reportedly failed to reach the $150 million weekend record, it came close. Twihards worldwide are rejoicing that the last film of their beloved franchise is a success. Of course, they've known all along that it would be. How could it not? It's such a great film, right? Right? Or not. Forget the hype & the hoopla. When viewed as just a movie, it actually sucks. Here are only five of the many reasons why.
First, there's the lame dialogue. Although some of that can be blamed on Stephenie Meyer, "the overall schmaltz of the romantic dialogue is enough to make even the most ardent love bug throw up." Ouch.
And speaking of vomiting, audiences might be driven to regurgitation by the awkward and unnecessary concept of Jacob Black's obsessing over--er--imprinting on Edward and Bella's little daughter Renesmee. Although its inherent creepiness is actually addressed in the plot by the couple's reaction to it, it remains "sinister and creepy." Although clairvoyant Alice Cullen's vision of a grownup Renesmee with Jacob is supposed to rectify the weirdness of the situation, it failed miserably. Of course, none of this has anything to do with Taylor Lautner's performance. Almost all of the performances, including Robert Pattinson's and Kristen Stewart's were reportedly "lackluster" at best and at worst, stupefying.
The sole exception to the rotten performance rule is Michael Sheen. And ironically, therein lies the third reason the film ultimately sucks. There's far too little of Sheen's over-the-top character Aro, king (or whatever) of the Volturi. Of all the Twilight brigade, Sheen seems to be the only one who obviously understands "how terrible the material is, and is absolutely having a hoot...and just enjoying himself. It reaches a fever pitch in this final film, as Sheen munches on the scenery [and in] the final battle...cackles to himself like a witch." Although Sheen's performance is arguably the most entertaining in the whole movie, he's only on camera for a scant twenty minutes.
Next is the "cop-out, fake-out" twist ending. The bloody, violent final battle scene turns out to be nothing more than one of Alice's visions of what will happen if Aro goes to war with the Cullens and their allies. When he learns that he will personally be killed by Bella, Aro wimps out, tucks his tail between his legs, and goes home. So, the big bad battle never really happened. It was just a psychic hot line hallucination. As if.
Last but not least, there's the "cornball" ending. Edward and Bella will, of course, live happily ever after--literally. To prove it, viewers are subjected to "a montage of their best, cutest moments together alongside a maudlin soundtrack, [which is] to anyone but the Twi-hards...thoroughly cheesy, manipulative, corny mulch. The two make some more sappy proclamations of their love for each other, and the thing finally ends."
So, there you have it. Click here to read the rest of the reasons Breaking Dawn Part Two sucks. Assuming you're not a Twihard, do you still want to see it?
Photo source: Disney Dreaming
Â© Hope Carson 2012